Flirt Coach - Sample coaching tips from Michael Neill

Michael Neill is a Holywood actor and personal coach. He sends out daily coaching tips and you can subscribe to them. Michael is a cool guy and contributed to my early training in NLP. He's full of ideas and positive motivation. His DCT [Daily Coaching Tip is a great programme Here's a sample of what you get when you subscribe [It's FREE] Find out how to subscribe at the end of the tip.

Daily Coaching Tip Number 260
September 10, 2001

In 1977, an oft quoted poll was done by the New York Times which revealed that a larger percentage of respondents feared public speaking than death. While this makes a kind of logical sense (more people have experienced public speaking than death), it has always seemed to me that the most crippling fear many of us face is our fear of rejection.

Whether it stops us from making a sales call, asking someone on a date, or pursuing the life of our dreams, our survival-based fear of rejection is activated any time we make (or think about making) a request from anyone - this is because the possibility of being rejected is generally real. The person we are selling to may decide not to buy, the person we are asking out may indeed say "no", and the road to the life of our dreams may well be paved with rejection.

As actors, my friends and I face rejection on a daily basis. And like anyone else who sells their product or services for a living, if we don't collect enough rejections, we're unlikely to make any money. (In fact, an actress friend recently pointed out that if she wasn't getting rejected at least ten times a week, she began to panic about how slow things were!)

A little while back, I came up with a simple trick that works wonders in easing the fear of rejection and allowing us to put our best foot forward when we need to make a request. You can use it the next time you're feeling nervous before a sales call, job interview, meeting, or even a blind date...
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Today's Experiment:
(This is ideal to use any time you need to make a request of someone, or when you are going to meet with someone whose approval is important to you. I use the example of a meeting - feel free to substitute phone call/request/interview or whatever your situation is!)

1. A few minutes before your meeting, begin to focus on the people in your life who love you. If you are religious you can also focus on God's love for you; the more humanistically inclined can add in the love of a child, a partner, or a pet. (If you can't think of anybody or anything who loves or has loved you, there are probably more important things for you to work on in your life than getting better at making sales calls!)

2. Continue to focus on the the awareness (and the associated feeling) that you are loved and begin to think about the impending meeting. Notice that you may still want what you want from the other people, but you do not need them to love you. You are already loved.

3. Bring this awareness and feeling with you into your meeting. If at any point during the meeting you begin to feel unduly nervous, you can simply go back to this awareness and feeling of being loved.
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Q: Why does this work so well?

A: Imagine you're back in cave man times. Your safety came from your belonging to the tribe. If you got banished from the tribe (i.e. rejected), you were suddenly alone left to fend for yourself. This was generally followed by being eaten by some wild animal or killed by members of another tribe - both excellent reasons to fear rejection!

While it is far less likely nowadays that being rejected will result in our being eaten or killed, the survival instinct is still there. By calming this ancient part of our brain (by flooding it with the feeling of connection and belonging that comes with the awareness of being loved), we are better able to tap into the full resources of our mind. It is almost like sending a message to your brain that says "Don't worry if this person or tribe does not accept you - you are already safe!"

If you live in the United States, you can order my new book via this USA link. 'Flirt Coach' on amazon.com'

If you live in the UK or Eire, you can order my new book via this UK link 'Flirt Coach' on amazon.co.uk

Bonus Tip:
The next time you are deciding on a course of action which involves at least one other person, try asking yourself the following question first:

If I already had all the love in the world,
how would I do this differently?

Have fun, learn heaps, and when in doubt, remember that you are loved.

Until tomorrow,
The Coach
©2001 Michael Neill All Rights Reserved

PS - If you enjoy this tip, please share it with others. Your feedback is always welcome as well. Thanks!
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Daily Coaching Tip Number 239
April 30, 2001

Are you glad someone introduced you to the DCT? Why not "pay it forward" by forwarding today's tip to people you think will benefit and enjoy?

"The left hemisphere of the brain controls the right side of the body
and the right hemisphere of the brain controls the left -
that's why left handed people are the only ones in their right minds..."
-if Groucho Marx did brain research

Dr. Roger Sperry's nobel prize winning research into the differing functions of the left and right hemispheres of the brain identified the following functional distinctions between the hemispheres:

Left Side:
Verbal, Analytical, Literal, Words, Logic, Numbers, Sequence

Right Side:
Non-verbal, Rhythm, Metaphor, Movement, Big Picture, Colour, Imagination

Sperry's initial research involved severing the corpus callosum which joins the left and right hemispheres of the brain as a means of limiting the negative effects of epileptic seizures. What has been done with his research, largely as a result of the work of one of his colleagues, Joseph Bogen, is a renaissance of scientific enquiry into the nature of creativity.

More recent research into intelligence and the physiology of the brain (most interestingly by the neuro-atonomist Marian Diamond who studied Einstein's brain) has shown that the primary correspondence between measurable genius and brain physiology lies neither in the right or left hemisphere, but in the connectivity of synapses between the two halves. How does this connectivity build? Through use!

In other words, the way to increase your intelligence and to function at the peak of your current level of brain power, learn to use your left and right brain simultaneously!

In trying to explain the above research into integrated heterolateral brain functioning (phew!) to my six year old son, I came up with the following analogy, which should make the whole thing clear to anyone who's ever spent a night at the opera or a day at the races, but will no doubt be as confusing as animal crackers in a bowl of duck soup to the rest of you... :-)

Chico Marx represents the left brain - witty, clever, and highly verbal, but without a great degree of visual or imaginative flair

Harpo Marx represents the right brain - imaginative, physical, and creative, but lacking in logic and verbal skill.

Groucho Marx represents an idealised synergy of both hemispheres, switched on and working together for maximum impact.

What follows are some of my favourite intelligence building and creativity unleashing techniques that utilise the Marx Brothers secret to success - developing both right and left hemispheric skills and creating a synergy of synapes that leap across the corpus callosum!

1. Mind Mapping
I always found it funny that a mind map is meant to be, in the words of creator Tony Buzan, "the external expression of the natural way in which the brain functions". I've certainly never noticed my brain thinking in a series of many multi-coloured lines branching out from a central core with words and images on it, but mind maps are pretty and often pretty useful.

To begin benefitting from mindmapping (a visual form of note taking) even before reading one of the great books listed in the recommended reading list (DCT 239 holds the distinction of being the first tip with its own bibliography!), try the following simple exercise:
a. Write down a key word or phrase (Chico) that represents what you think to be at the core of what you are learning
b. Draw a picture (Harpo) that represents that key word or phrase.
c. Repeat the above sequence until you have created a visual re-presentation all the important intellectual concepts in whatever it is you are studying (Groucho)

You will find that you will not only boost your recollection of the material you are studying in subsequent reviews, but more importantly you will make new connections and distinctions as you create your map.

2. Life Mapping
A variation on mind mapping that reverses the sequence is what I call life mapping. Feel free to adapt the format below to fit your individual needs...
a. Draw a picture that represents your career/relationships/life as it is now (Harpo)
b. Draw another picture that represents how you would ideally like your career/relationships/life to be (Harpo)
c. Describe aloud or in writing what the pictures mean to you and what you've learned from drawing them (Chico)
d. Use what you've learned to create a verbal/pictoral plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be (Groucho)

3. Image Streaming
Dr. Win Wenger is the godfather of increasing intelligence, and image streaming is his core technology. I've taught image streaming on my workshops and seminars for years as a means of increasing your ability to visualise - that is to see visual images in your minds eye. The added benefit? This is the only visualisation technique I know of that has been scientifically proven to create a permanant, measurable increase in IQ (approx. 2/3 of a point for every hour of practice).

While your on your way to Win Wenger's website (awful alliteration, but anyway....), why not try it out for yourself....
a. Close your eyes and become aware of the stream of seemingly random images that continually run through your brain (Harpo)
b. Begin describing aloud what you are seeing, no matter how vague it may be. The simple guideline? Say what you see! (Chico)
example: I see a grey blob, and it's getting bigger, and now it's turning blue, etc.
c. Have someone ask you questions about your image stream - allow it to affect your imagery and describe what you see. If you're working alone, you can tape record your initial stream, then play it back and allow it to influence your new image stream. (Groucho)

Bonus Experiment:
Why not use the Marx brothers to help you create your own intelligence expanding methodologies? Take one item from the Chico list, one item from the Harpo list, and force a Groucho like connection!

Some primarily Chico (Left Brain) activities:
Describing
Writing
Speaking aloud
Focusing on details
Finding the logic
Analysing
Rationalising
Calculating
Moving the right side of your body

Some primarily Harpo (Right Brain) activities:
Drawing
Daydreaming
Colouring
Listening to Music
Dancing
Dreaming
Making metaphors
Moving the left side of your body

Some Possible Groucho (Heterolateral Integration!) activities:
Image Streaming
Life Mapping
Mind Mapping
Listen to the Marx brothers on tape and imagining what it would look like
Goal Sensing
Dancing to Poetry
Colouring Numbers
Analysing Metaphors
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Have fun (Harpo), learn heaps (Chico), and use your integrated brain to make a difference in the world (Groucho)!

Until tomorrow,
The Coach
PS - Interested in learning more? Please check out the recommended reading list at http://www.successmadefun.com

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