Become a better flirt with NLP – part 1

A wonderful state of affairs

We spend our entire waking [and some of our sleeping] life moving from state to state. At one time or another we have all experienced states of calm, excitement, confidence, joy, curiosity, compassion, love, contentedness, fun, freedom and much, much more.

The state we are in will greatly affect our behaviour in any given situation. It is much easier to pass an exam when we are confident. It is much easier to learn when we are curious and having fun. It is much easier to help people when we feel compassion. It is much easier to flirt with someone when we have certain states in place. We then become capable of creating great states in other people.

This is one of the major keys to flirting and indeed any human interaction. A sports coach will not motivate his clients if he is in a ‘couldn’t care less’ state. If he is motivated himself he will convey the sensations of motivation as he works with his client. When you go there first yourself, others follow much more easily and willingly.

You can use NLP to remember and recreate any states. AND, when you are at the peak of the state you can create a trigger that, when activated, will automatically recreate the state. We call these triggers anchors. Throughout our lives we have unconsciously picked up anchors for many states some good some not so useful.  What we want to help you create are anchors for great flirting states.

I bet you have a piece of music that, when you hear it, causes you to remember in detail the sensations associated with something that occurred whilst listening to that music. Many couples have an ‘our song’ that makes them feel all flirty and lovey dovey. The music is an anchor to the states you experienced. When you play the music you are ‘firing’ the anchor.

Here is a simple exercise for you to try. Read through the instructions then do the exercise.

1. Select some physical action that is easily re-doable. Some people make a fist, some people say a word to themselves, others see an object or a symbol. This will be your anchor.
2. Remember a time when you felt really confident. If you can’t immediately remember a situation, imagine what it would be like when you are confident or think about someone who exudes confidence. Become fully aware of what it is like when you or someone else is confident. What did you see? What did you hear? What did you feel and where did you feel what you felt. Notice where the feeling starts and where it moves to
3. Stay in the memory and get back that good feeling. When the feeling starts, imagine that it is getting bigger and spreading all round your body and returning to its source empowered. When you feel that the state at its peak, use your anchor – say the word you have chosen, do the physical action or visualise your object or scene or do a mixture of all three – it’s your choice.
4. Now think about what you had for breakfast. This is a way of breaking the state or getting back to ‘neutral’.
5. Wait a moment then activate your anchor i.e. do the physical action that you linked to the good feeling [see 3 above] . You will notice that the feelings, sights and sounds of ‘confidence’ begin to replay themselves in some degree. This is just a start and you can do much, much more to really recall and relive good states.

This very basic exercise has many additional and useful parts to it, and initially, it works even better when you have someone facilitating you. Skilled NLP practitioners know how to work with themselves and others to create great states and make permanent changes.

NLP and Flirting – is it bad?

Is NLP manipulative? Yes and sometimes people use it to flirt and seduce with bad intention. But we only want you to use it for good. We want you to become a better flirt, more persuasive and help people to see the great side of you.

When you think of a kitchen knife you probably think of it as a tool to chop vegetables or cut bread. Some nutters might use the kitchen knife to inflict bodily harm on others. Where is the harm? In the knife or in the person who uses it. Should we ban everyone from owning kitchen knives because they could be used as lethal weapons? I think NOT!

There are medically qualified people who use their knowledge to cure people. Dr Crippen used his medical knowledge to systematically poison people. Medicine is not evil in itself. It is not the tool, but the user of the tool that creates good or bad situations. NLP is like a knife, it is a tool that can be used for good or evil.  You can use the hypnotic language of NLP to help open someone to your flirting and deeper feelings.

I choose to use my NLP skills for good. When I enter any situation I ask myself whether I want it to be a win-lose or win-win. I know which I prefer, how about you?

Continue reading how to Become a Better Flirt with NLP – Part 2