Love songs - toxic messengers?

I love you too much

I hate the feeling I get when you’re not there

Baby come back

I miss you

I’m waiting for you to make me whole

You make me feel brand new

You make me feel so good

Without you I am nothing

I’ll never let you go

If you go away.

Lines from love songs are everywhere. Here I am about to do my taxes when I tune into a session of love songs on the radio. And as I became aware of the emotions that were being automatically generated in me. I realised how much affect these songs can have on a person. I had to put finger to keyboard and ask

‘What happens when you listen to songs devoted to sadness, possessiveness, despair, regret, anger, bitterness, self-deprecation and neediness. Answer - You feel like shit!’ Is this good? I don’t think so!

Each generation has it’s style of popular music and one thing that has remained constant is the love song. Love songs are part of our culture.

Love songs create feelings in us. A love song can be a divine elixir that generates wonderful feelings in us or a toxic story that poisons our system and sends us into deep depression.

Unbeknown to us love songs, are programming our brain with affirmations which develop into belief about how life is. Love songs are part of the myth of our society. They are stories that tell how it is. The more we listen to how it is, the more we believe that is reality. We begin to act out the reality and that slows us down from creating new realities.

Pilgrimage to find the lost shit

In my late teens/very early twenties Leonard Cohen was the high priest of sadness. If love didn’t work out you lay on your bed, listening to Leonard droning on about being led down to the river, lost loves, missed opportunities. As 'That's no way to say goodbye' oozes out of the speakers, the tears flow freely, the stomach churns with awful feelings, pain wracks the body and despair fills your soul.

Yep, suicide was definitely an option when you listened to Leonard. We lapped it up, we wallowed in the shit and we felt very bad. But wasn't that how it is meant to be. Perhaps, but was it meant that we make it worse and double the bad feelings by submitting ourselves to Leonard's misery. As we listen we get programmed, we fulfil the program and so the world turns. But it doesn't have to be like that. Recovery can be swifter if we stop creating toxic messages and start sending out healthy ones.

So what messages are toxic love songs conveying?

Life’s like that -can't and but!

There’s no use looking back and wondering… I never had a dream come true till the day that I found you. Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on…. but still I can’t find ways to let you go. Just can’t stay goodbye.

Translation. People are supposed to move on, but I can’t. Can’t deletes the positive message and you start to develop the belief that it’s ok to stay and wallow cos that’s how it is!

I give you control of my life!!

‘You make me feel brand new’. ‘You gave my pride back to me’. ‘Without you life has no meaning or rhyme’.

We use this type of language every day. It is power-leak language. When we talk like that we are affirming to ourselves and others that someone else can control our feelings. We are also indicating that we expect it to happen. We are creating a belief about how life is.

‘Without you life has no meaning or rhyme’.

Translation. Life is crap when you’re not around. To me that is saying it’s impossible to have a great life without that person. They get to control your life just by you needing them. They might not even know it!!!

We can all learn to be whole and to take responsibility for our own happiness. It is a lifelong practice…learning to focus on the possible, the positive and the potency.

When we start using language like

‘When I’m with you I feel even more alive. [i.e. Being with you is a bonus to what is already wonderful]

‘You helped me develop my talents and showed me how great I can be’. [i.e. you facilitated me to feel good about myself and didn’t take all the credit!]

‘Life is even more wonderful when you’re around’ [i.e. it already is great you are a bonus]

‘You are a star in my universe and I am one in yours.’ [i.e. we each have our own universe and we are star guests in the other person’s We do not need them to survive, because we are the centre of our universe. [assuming the sun is the most important planet in a universe]

You’re a guest on my show and I’m one on yours!!!

We can create good feelings as well as acknowledging our own power over our feelings. You can stop being the cork bobbing on the waves and turn into a dolphin navigating through the ocean of your life.

I wonder how this new age influence and living from hope will affect the bands of the 21st century. Kids listen to these people. Someone out there can get together a band and make it happen. I shall wait and anticipate…and write about it some more. We can all be part of the wave of change...in our way and when we choose to.

How would you like the world to be…

Write a love song, a story a few words or draw a picture that shows it your way… Write to me.

How could it be more hopeful, fair, loving, balanced?